Clegg Injured in Freak “Home Alone” Style AccidentPosted: February 2, 2011
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was this afternoon rushed to “the doctors” for “tests” after suffering a series of comedy mishaps in parliament, we can tonight report.
A government spokesman moved to explain that Mr Clegg’s condition was “silly, but not life threatening” whilst refusing to reveal the exact details of the episode. Privately however, Westminster insiders have criticised Clegg for “charging around like a giddy child” ever since he moved into his new office and claim that this sort of thing was bound to happen at one time “or another”.
The same insider revealed that Clegg insists on moving around parliament on roller skates, or a skateboard if Michael Gove is using them. It has also been speculated that Clegg ‘cycles’ to and from work, with the ‘bike’ being a bit like a dog, with two wheels that go round and round instead of a bark, and ‘handlebars’ which are used to hang from shopping from in place of a tail. There are no eyes. One anonymous junior minister used hands on arms to demonstrate that Clegg has been about “this close” to accidents on more than one occasion.
It appears that his luck finally ran out yesterday though, as a second source explains. “Nick had been getting more and more raucous as the day went on. It started with him waving his hand through the flame of a candle, and ended with Black Rod pushing him down the corridor in a trolley, both men being topless and with their ties tied around their heads. At one point he even produced some bongos and played and sang along to Shaggy’s ‘It Wasn’t Me’ as loud as possible during a cabinet meeting”.
Amateur video footage shows Clegg, wearing a hat with a propeller on top, travelling down a Westminster corridor on a micro scooter before losing control and going over a big ramp which saw him smash out of the face of Big Ben and over the river Thames, doing a 360 degrees flip and landing on his wheels. His momentum was such that he zoomed past Buckingham Palace, round and round the London Eye, up and down the Tate Modern, on and off the stage of a West End show and through Soho before finally smashing through a noodle stand in Chinatown and being flung out of the trolley face first into a big pile of mud. Where he rested.
Prime Minister Dave Cameron was unable to comment on the incident when asked to comment on the incident because he was too upset to speak after watching Black Swan, but Chancellor George Osborne found time to quip wryly that Clegg was in “rude health” using his mouth.